How do we reconcile our need for attachment and our desire for authenticity in relationships? How can we honor our authentic self and still feel that we belong? This blog explores a few ideas to help you progress your own self-love journey. Being the master of our emotions is the backbone to any successful relationship, as well as health and life transformation journeys.
As a Transformation Coach, with a specialty in health and nutrition coaching and sex, love and relationship coaching, people seek my help because they’re trying to transform one or more areas of their lives. There is no, one miracle recipe for success. There is no one best diet, not one way to be in a relationship or to exercise. There is only what’s right for you. That’s all.
What I witnessed to be a major success factor and a great predictor of failure in transformation is how authentically my clients show up for themselves. The more they put their own health and happiness first, and craft a path that is unique to them, the more likely are to get to their goal. The more they resist change and remain a “victim” of their environment or sacrifice their own needs and desires for someone else’s agenda, the less likely they are to succeed.
Now, showing up authentically and crafting your own path is not an easy task and it does disturb the status quo and may make others uncomfortable. There’s no denying that! And having support on your transformation journey is huge.
As Dr Gabor Mate, physician and expert on trauma, addiction, stress and childhood development explains, people have 2 needs: Attachment and Authenticity. When authenticity threatens attachment (belonging), attachment trumps authenticity.
How many times have you backed down your own plans, desires and dreams in fear of rejection? It’s human! It comes from our need for survival, our need for acceptance.
Self-abandonment behaviors include:
- People pleasing
- Having a hard-time saying no or setting boundaries
- Perfectionist tendencies
- Feeling resentful
- Having difficulty communicating feelings, needs and upsets
- Feeling needy for having needs
- Playing peacekeeper or trying not to rock the boat
- Having a hard time staying in the moment (always worrying and planning about the future of what ifs)
- Feeling stuck about major life decisions
- Holding on to relationships for as long as possible even though others would have let go
- Disconnection from the body
Do any of these behaviors resonate true for you? I’ve certainly wrestled with every single one at various stages of my life and in different instances. We all do it. Awareness is key as you can then take action in a way that supports your growth and your transformation journey.
The self-abandonment behaviors come from the belief that we have to show a certain way to be loved. So here’s one way I like to help my clients to get them started in this area.
1- Become aware of the emotions they are feeling and expanding their vocabulary to describe them, as well as identify where, somatically, they are feeling their emotions in their bodies. This can be done in the middle of an emotional overwhelm, before major decisions, before difficult conversations or just as a daily check-in.
2- Learn to become comfortable with all the gamma of emotions by work-shopping them in the moment with their partner, friend, co-worker LIVE. This is deep identity work based on a deep sense of self-knowledge and self-understanding.
It doesn’t happen overnight but it helps to create a sense of safety and freedom around your transformation journey. When you are no longer abandoning yourself when you are facing the threat of losing your attachment in a relationship, your confidence grows and you make greater empowered strides towards your goal. You begin to operate from a more authentic place and your transformation journey accelerates.
I will be leading my first 6-Week Hormonize Small Group Coaching Program at the end of January to help people reach their next level of health. Tapping into your authenticity to craft your pathway to health will be one of the coaching topics. It’s called, “LISTEN IN”. I will guide you through a “somatic moment” to listen in and identify any resistance to authentic change and fear of rejection. This is an incredible program that will arm you with effective and diverse tools to successfully tackle any health transformation journey. What a start to 2023!
You can learn more about the Small Group Coaching Program HERE. Registrations are open. Email-me your interest at emma@gojifitness.com
